JW Jokes II

The Pope was walking around in the Vatican dressed in all his finery when suddenly Satan appeared before him in a puff of smoke and a scent of brimstone. What did the Pope say? He said, “Oh, my god!”

Two Jehovah’s Witnesses are knocking on the door of a house.
A woman opens the door : she is not in a good mood when she sees these guys :
“You’re Jehovah’s Witnesses … I do not want to listen to your nonsense !” CLAC and she slams the door in their face. But the problem is, the door does not close. A second time she tries to slam it in the faces of visitors … But it’s the same thing: there is something that binds. Believing that one of the two preachers of the “divine word” put his foot in the corner of the door, she is preparing to scream like mad, but one of the witness cut her speech :
“Madam, I’m sorry to say this, but if you want to close your door, you’ll first need to remove your cat.”

A man dies and meets Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

Saint Peter welcomes the newcomer and gives him a conducted tour of heaven. He walks down the corridor with many rooms.

The doors of all the rooms are open and the occupants are happily moving from one room to another.

Peter explains that each of the rooms contains a different Christian denomination. When Peter and the newcomer arrive at the end of the corridor there is a door slammed tight shut.

There is a notice on the door, it reads “Do not disturb” signed Jehovah Witnesses. Saint Peter puts his finger to his lips and says “Shhhh”. The newcomer replies “Why”.

“Because”, says Saint Peter, “they think they are the only ones here”.

A man is in a house when the river nearby starts to flood.
As the water laps at the front door, a rescue man arrives at the door and says “Come now, the river is rising. I will save you”. The man looks smugly at him and says “It’s ok, Jehovah will be the one to save me”.

An hour later the water still rises and the man climbs onto the roof of the house. Soon another rescuse man arrives – this time in a boat- and says “come now the river is still rising. I will save you”

Again the man looks at him and says “It’s ok Jehovah will be the one to save me”.

By nightfall the water was up to the roof and the man is sitting on th chimmney. A helicopter arrives and the pilot yells “This is your last chance. Come now or you will drown. Again the man i determined. “God will be the one to save me”.
So the man drowns. At the gates of heaven he asks Jehovah “Why did you forsake me and leave me to die?”

Jehovah looks at him with astonishment and replies “Well I sent you a Rescuer a Boat and a Hellicopter. What more do you want?”

Two Jehovah’s witnesses came to a man’s house, so they knocked and the guy said,I can not open the door right now so give me some “material”to read under the door ,so one of the witnesses wrote a note that it said (Revelation 3:20)”Behold I stand at the door and knock if any man hear my voice I will come in and have an evening meal with him”.

So the man read and and wrote a note back under the door that it says (Genesis 3:10)”I heard your voice but I was afraid because I was naked

A pair of Witnesses were working rural territory one morning, quite a distance away from town. The witnesses had been out in service for a while and needed to find a bathroom for a break. They reasoned that a kind householder may let them use their bathroom. They stopped at one house and knocked but received no answer. As they left, they noticed the outhouse behind the residence. Since nobody was home, the Witnesses decided to just use the outhouse. As the Witnesses opened the outhouse door, they found the homeowner sitting there. The homeowner looked at the Witnesses and exclaimed: “You people don’t miss any door, do you?”

A young brother was working with the CO in the ministry. At the first door, the CO asked the little brother if he (the CO) should take the first door. Young brother replied, “No, I’ll take it.” He knocked at the door, and a householder answered. The young brother asked him if he knew Superman. The CO started groaning inward. The Householder said “why, yes, I do.” “Do you know his name?” asked the little brother. HH: Yes, it’s Clark Kent. Young witness: Do you know God? HH: Yes, I do. Young witness: Do you know His name? Silence. Young witness: You mean you know the name of someone who doesn’t exist, but God who exists, you don’t know His name?

A drunk walks into a bar shaking his head. The bartender asks him what’s wrong. The drunk says: “It’s those Jehovah’s Witnesses!! Everywhere I go I run into one. It’s downright freaky!!!”
“Well, you’re safe in here. No Witness will walk into this bar at this time of night.” said one patron. The whole bar burst into laughter at that idea. “Yeah! If one of them Bible thumpers came in here it would have to be the hand of God.” said another. More laughter and table slapping.

Suddenly the door opened and a clean shaven man in a nice suit walked in with a briefcase in his hand. The bar became so silent you could hear a pin drop.
The man looked around and smiled at everyone, put his briefcase down and said: “Hello, I was in the neighborhood and…”. that’s as far as he got. He placed all the literature in his bag and started several bible studies.

After everyone had left, the brother turned to the bartender and said: “Can I use your phone? As I was saying before, I was
in the neighborhood and my tire went flat and my cell phone died. You were the only place I could find close enough that was open.”

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