What do you get when you cross a Jehovah’s Witness and an Atheist? Someone who knocks at your door for no apparent reason.
While traveling near Tampa, Florida I passed the ‘Jehovah’s Witness Assembly Hall’ and was struck by the fact that that must be where they make them.
YOU MIGHT BE A JEHOVAH’S WITNESS IF….
…”pioneer” is not a stereo
…”New Light” is not something in the housewares department, and “tract”
has nothing to do with land or farming.
…you know when Nisan 14 of the Jewish calendar lands in the
Gregorian calendar from year to year, and yet you commonly forget your own birthday.
…”Memorial Day” isn’t in May.
…you spent days at a baseball stadium, never saw a ball, and didn’t
even have a beer.
…you think “formal clothing” and “civic center” belong in the same
…you wash windows or cars for a living and still own five suits.
…you think nothing of letting your friends stop by to use the bathroom.
…you know the cleanliness of every coffee shop and bathroom for four
…you think 2-door vehicles aren’t really cars.
…you go to Home Depot and go down the aisle where doors are
displayed and you feel compelled to knock on them.
…you can’t buy a pair of shoes without thinking about how
comfortable they will need to be while walking residential streets in
…you have a tendency to refer to books by color instead of by title.
…you have a shelf just for 192-page books.
…you can’t pick up a book, or anything else to read, without picking
up a pencil or highlighter too.
…you think it is complimentary to refer to someone as “a study.”
…you have “get-togethers” rather than “parties.”
…after one of such “get-togethers” at your home, your house is not a
mess and you have more food than when you started.
…you realize things are getting worse, and you’re thrilled.
Three brothers were having lunch together. One was a pioneer, one was a CO and the other was a Special Pioneer who had recently returned from a foreign assignment. They all had soup. A fly landed in the pioneer’s bowl. He paused, looked around for the waiter and requested a new bowl of soup. A fly also landed in the CO’s bowl. He casually used his spoon to scoop the fly up and folded the wet fly into his napkin and returned to his soup. The special pioneer also had a fly land in his soup. He grabbed the fly from the soup holding one wing in each hand and, holding the fly over the bowl said “Spit IT Out! Spit IT Out!”